Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Episode 5 - Got Gum?

Tom: Hi.

Trix: Aren't you going to introduce us?

Tom: You always interrupt me, so why bother?

Trix: Aw honey, why are you so blue?

Tom: My teeth aren't as white as they used to be.

Trix: And your hair is really thinning these days too.

Tom: -

Trix: Have you always breathed that loud?

Tom: Anyways, we're the Googlers, we have twins and -

Trix: AND QUADRUPLETS! We have SIX KIDS! SIX! I carried them all in my womb!

Tom: It's a crazy life.

Trix: And it's exhausting!

Tom: Our older girls, Tammy and Tricia, wanted to try musical instruments.

Trix: We don't want to deprive them just because we have SIX KIDS. I grew up with nothing, no luxuries, nothing at all. I don't want that for my kids. All SIX of them. Even though it's EXHAUSTING to -

Trix: So Pianos'R'Us donated a piano for Tricia to use!

Tom: We really appreciate that!

Trix: Even though it attracts dust. And my cousin Clarice has a grand piano.

Tom: But we really appreciate what Pianos'R'Us did for us, don't we honey?

Trix: Who am I to say no?

Tom: And we found Trix's old violin in the basement for Tammy to use.

Trix: And some nice people from our church gave lessons to the girls.

Tom: They really enjoyed the first few lessons.

Trix: But we are not going to make them practise. I was made to practise when I was a little girl, and my brother and sisters got to play outside. Nosirree, not gonna make them practise.

Tom: I hope they practise.

Trix: I hope someone donates ear plugs! Ha! Ha!

Producer: Tammy, why do you practise playing your violin in the greenhouse?

Tammy: It's the quietest place!

Tom: When we first found out that Trix was pregnant with quadruplets, we had some concerns, of course.

Trix: I was EXHAUSTED just being pregnant!

Tom: We were worried about how we would be able to find individual time with our kids.

Trix: So we are going to have one special day with each of our children. It is very important, it is crucial, that we give each of our children our undivided attention.

Tom: We set up the trips so that we could do this. I work for myself now, so I was able to clear my schedule.

Trix: Have I said that we consider it essential to each child's happiness that we do this? Spend one day with one child and just one child?

Tom: I think they get the point, honey.

Trix: Only I won't be going on the boys' trips because I don't have the time to drive hither, thither, and yon. I'm writing a book! And it's EXHAUSTING!

Tom: On the first trip, I took Tim to a local toy shop. Olde Thyme Toys makes beautiful, one-of-a-kind handcrafted toys and we really appreciate that they let us visit.

Trix: And what they did give us?

Tom: They gave us a huge discount on the toy of Tim's choice. We had a lot of fun playing with all of the toys, but he ended up taking Bunny Bear home.

Trix: And he wouldn't let go of it for a week.

Tom: On our next trip, both of us took Tracey to a local antique shop.

Trix: My idea! They had beautiful antique dollhouses. What memories she will have!

Tom: We should have taken her somewhere where she was allowed to touch stuff.

Trix: Well! It was a lot of fun and the three of us had a great time together. It was very special to get to know Tracey away from the other kids. Did you know she has blue eyes?

Tom: Travis really likes science, so I took him to a local planetarium. It was a BLAST!

Trix: *yawn*. Science is boys' stuff.

Tom: They had the coolest toy boxes and Travis played with all these gadgets for hours.

Trix: And what did you do?

Tom: The staff let me use one of their telescopes. I spent the whole night looking at the stars. I got lost in them. To live out there, without any responsibilities ...

Trix: *ahem*

Tom: Where was I?

Producer: Tom and Trix, who looks after the other kids when you go on your special trips?

Tom: We have lots of helpers and we really appreciate their help. We haven't had to fold laundry in four years!

Trix: My cousin Clarice really loves us and she takes the kids quite a lot, even though she has two of her own.

Tom: Clarice and her husband help us quite a lot. We are truly grateful to have them in our life.

Trix: And they have the most wonderful house and property. She decorated it herself! They have so much room, and we don't. *sigh*

Tom: I don't know how Clarice does it, looking after up to 8 children. I can't imagine that.

Trix: What a nightmare! But she's always so calm and she plans these activities. The kids even say she gives them one-on-one time but that's impossible.

Tom: Anyways, all the kids went to Pete and Clarice's while we took Tara out for her day.

Trix: Tara's always playing with her toy dog, so we took her to a neighbour's farm where they have dogs.

Tom: We were going to go to Trix's Uncle Olaf's place to see his puppies, but the Humane Society got there first. Ha ha!

Trix: We weren't going to talk about the uppypay illmay, remember?

Tom: Tara really enjoyed playing with the dogs. She cuddled them and brushed them.

Trix: After I made Tom give them all flea baths, of course. They were nice dogs and didn't bite at all.

Producer: And what happened at Clarice's house?

Tom: Oh boy.

Trix: Her youngest daughter shared GUM with everyone. GUM!

Tom: Sharing is caring!

Trix: We do not chew gum. Except when on airplanes. Hey, I hear Hawaii is lovely this time of year. I've never been there and -

Producer: What happened when the kids got home?

Trix: I inspected their hands as always - and they were sticky! WITH GUM!

Tom: Gum can be washed off -

Trix: And there was gum on Tim's stupid Bunny Bear!

Tom: I volunteered to go on the internet and find out how to remove it -

Trix: - you can remove it with peanut butter! And all we have is expensive ORGANIC peanut butter! I told Tim I wasn't going to waste that when he was dumb enough to get gum on his bear. I will not waste ORGANIC food!

Tom: He's just a kid! You made him cry!

Trix: He cried because I'm sure he was very sorry that he made his bear messy and it would have to be thrown into the garbage. I'm sure he was very sad that he made a mistake and that the money we spent on the bear would be wasted.

Tom: Tammy is sometimes rough with the younger kids, so it was nice to see her beg Trix not to throw the bear out.

Trix: "I'm telling you, I will not waste money and time trying to clean that bear!"

Producer: And then what happened?

Tom: Tammy snuck onto the computer and found out that you can freeze gum off if you stick it in the freezer.

Trix: So Tammy saved the bear and now all the kids think she is a hero. Until she punches and kicks them again, thanks to her low blood sugar.

Coming soon:

Tom: "Hello? Is this the producer of "Trading Spouses"? This is Tom Googler. Can we talk?

Click Here to Read More..