Monday, April 7, 2008

Trix Needs a Chill Pill

Tom: Hi, I'm Tom.

Trix: And I'm Trix Googler! We're the famous parents of twins and quadruplets! Six kids! SIX!

Tom: This is our life.

Trix: And it's exhausting!

Tom: So there's been a change in our lives.

Trix: Tom is always saying how he likes me with blonde hair, so I got a makeover!

Tom: I didn't mean all stripey like that.

Trix: It's called highlights, honey.

Tom: We had a rough week. All of the quadruplets had stomach flu.

Trix: I was EXHAUSTED making organic soup for them.

Trix: Thank goodness our friend Patsy, who loves us, came over to do the laundry and watch the kids so I could get some quality time.

Producer: Can you explain how Tim ended up sleeping on the back porch?

Trix: He puked all over the new blankets in his crib, so I put him where he could easily be hosed off. The cool night air helped bring his fever down. Why are you looking at me like that?

Tom: After the kids were better, we decided they needed a special trip. We live really close to the Marks-A-Lot factory, where quality crayons, washable markers and paints are made. Marks-A-Lot - all the colours of the rainbow!

Trix: So we took the kids there to see how crayons are made.

Tom: And then we went to their activity centre. The kids loved it, and started playing as soon as they entered the room.

Trix: It was awful! The Marks-A-Lot people should have just entered them into a paintball tournament. Messy stuff EVERYWHERE!

Trix: Typically, NOBODY understood me. Don't they know that one mark on a piece of clothing equals one hour in the laundry room! I was really upset and my dumb husband was ENCOURAGING the children to use that messy stuff!

Tom: I just wanted our children to have fun.

Trix: They aren't allowed to have fun. Not my kids.

Tom: Trix got a little weird at Marks-A-Lot.

Trix: I merely suggested that everyone put down all those messy things and we could go home and have some really delicious organic fruit juice, from Juice-a-licious.

Tom: The kids preferred the paints and markers. Which everyone knows are washable.

Trix: "This is YOUR fault! No markers! No paints! No wire hangers!"

Tom: Tricia got upset because she wasn't allowed to use the paints.

Trix: She has low blood sugar.

Tom: "Trix, you have got to calm down. We won't get a FREE activity table with WASHABLE markers if you freak out like this!"

Trix: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH - did you say 'free'?"

Tom: "Yes, yes I did. And I promise that if the markers don't wash out, I will personally find a store to replace the clothes for free."

Trix: "Oh honey!"

Tara: "Free!"

Trix: Her first word!

Tom: The twins were upset about what happened at Marks-A-Lot. Tammy wouldn't speak to us for days.

Trix: So we enrolled them in a cooking class, where they could make all the mess they want.

Tammy: We really liked cooking class.

Tricia: We got to play with girls our own age, instead of the babies.

Tammy: We made muffins at home for Mommy & Daddy, but not the babies!

Tom: They were really yummy!

Trix: But not organic, so I threw mine out.

Tom: On our next show, the twins get music lessons!

Trix: And I get earplugs!
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