Monday, April 7, 2008

Trix Needs a Chill Pill

Tom: Hi, I'm Tom.

Trix: And I'm Trix Googler! We're the famous parents of twins and quadruplets! Six kids! SIX!

Tom: This is our life.

Trix: And it's exhausting!

Tom: So there's been a change in our lives.

Trix: Tom is always saying how he likes me with blonde hair, so I got a makeover!

Tom: I didn't mean all stripey like that.

Trix: It's called highlights, honey.

Tom: We had a rough week. All of the quadruplets had stomach flu.

Trix: I was EXHAUSTED making organic soup for them.

Trix: Thank goodness our friend Patsy, who loves us, came over to do the laundry and watch the kids so I could get some quality time.

Producer: Can you explain how Tim ended up sleeping on the back porch?

Trix: He puked all over the new blankets in his crib, so I put him where he could easily be hosed off. The cool night air helped bring his fever down. Why are you looking at me like that?

Tom: After the kids were better, we decided they needed a special trip. We live really close to the Marks-A-Lot factory, where quality crayons, washable markers and paints are made. Marks-A-Lot - all the colours of the rainbow!

Trix: So we took the kids there to see how crayons are made.

Tom: And then we went to their activity centre. The kids loved it, and started playing as soon as they entered the room.

Trix: It was awful! The Marks-A-Lot people should have just entered them into a paintball tournament. Messy stuff EVERYWHERE!

Trix: Typically, NOBODY understood me. Don't they know that one mark on a piece of clothing equals one hour in the laundry room! I was really upset and my dumb husband was ENCOURAGING the children to use that messy stuff!

Tom: I just wanted our children to have fun.

Trix: They aren't allowed to have fun. Not my kids.

Tom: Trix got a little weird at Marks-A-Lot.

Trix: I merely suggested that everyone put down all those messy things and we could go home and have some really delicious organic fruit juice, from Juice-a-licious.

Tom: The kids preferred the paints and markers. Which everyone knows are washable.

Trix: "This is YOUR fault! No markers! No paints! No wire hangers!"

Tom: Tricia got upset because she wasn't allowed to use the paints.

Trix: She has low blood sugar.

Tom: "Trix, you have got to calm down. We won't get a FREE activity table with WASHABLE markers if you freak out like this!"

Trix: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH - did you say 'free'?"

Tom: "Yes, yes I did. And I promise that if the markers don't wash out, I will personally find a store to replace the clothes for free."

Trix: "Oh honey!"

Tara: "Free!"

Trix: Her first word!

Tom: The twins were upset about what happened at Marks-A-Lot. Tammy wouldn't speak to us for days.

Trix: So we enrolled them in a cooking class, where they could make all the mess they want.

Tammy: We really liked cooking class.

Tricia: We got to play with girls our own age, instead of the babies.

Tammy: We made muffins at home for Mommy & Daddy, but not the babies!

Tom: They were really yummy!

Trix: But not organic, so I threw mine out.

Tom: On our next show, the twins get music lessons!

Trix: And I get earplugs!


preesi said...

Spot on as usual...

Great JOB!

I wonder if Jon has seen this? I know he is on the net...

FSUmom said...

ROTFLMBO! Best one yet!

Connerz said...

omg that was hilarious

Misses said...

OMFG! I just peed my pants a little from lol. But please do not tell Trix that, for she may come down off the cross & get me.

elfaygobaca said...

Consider me a fan! I just checked out all your posts here, and this has got to be the best yet. I especially liked the "stripey hair" comment. How the heck do you get the facial expressions and actions so down pat?

Wendi said...

"This is YOUR fault! No markers! No paints! No wire hangers!"


omg *wipes laughter tears away* best ever so far!

nauratheexplora said...

you are a genius. you have no idea how much i love your blog.

Bubbs said...

Great one! The marks-a-lot factory was rright on, lol.

Jessica said...

New to the blog, but I must say it's GREAT! I love the picture after Trix get's a little weird at Marks-A-Lot. It totally looks like Tom is shooting himself in the head!

YankeeLawyer said...

You are one gifted lady!! PLEASE don't stop! I haven;t laughed this hard in ages. I'm going to share this with everyone I know.