Twins: On this episode of Tom and Trix Plus Six
Tom: We have a talent show – and a new mommy!
Trix: Don't sound so happy about that.
Tom: Hi I'm Tom Googler and -
Trix: - and I'm Trix Googler! We have twins and quadruplets! Six kids!
Tom: This is our crazy, crazy life.
Trix: And it's EXHAUSTING!
Tom: So the twins decided to hold a talent show.
Trix: But nobody has any talent. Ha! Ha!
Tom: If they practised the violin and the piano, they would have had something to do.
Trix: It's too exhausting to make sure they practise.
Tom: Anyways, they set up a fashion show -
Trix: - not knowing how much work it takes to dress up toddlers. I had to dress Taraand Tim and find Tammy's mermaid costume. Our neighbour Zelda hadn't folded all the laundry yet that week, so it was a lot of work!
Tom: Hey, you made me iron all of the costumes, I dressed Tracey and Travis, and I got dressed up too!
Trix: I was still more exhausted than you.
Tom: We noticed, Jabba.
Trix: Nobody understands me. I'd been cooped up all winter with six kids. SIX.
Tom: You mean, besides the ski trip and the individual trips we took with Tara and Tracey?
Trix: Like I said, nobody understands me.
Trix: Just – just go to bed, everyone! Take off those costumes and GO! TO! BED!
Tom I decided Trix needed a break. Our producer gave me the number of the "Trading Spouses" producer. Funny how she had that contact info right away.
Trix: I was very excited to go on "Trading Spouses". I know the premise – two mothers from different families trade families. Since they try to go for opposites, I was sure they'd place me with a family with just one child. That's all I have ever wanted – to know what it's like to have just one child.
Mickey Ben: Hi, I'm Mickey Ben Goddard and this is my wife, Esther.
Mickey Ben: We've been wanting to do "Trading Spouses" for a while, but it took the producers a while to find someone who could handle 17 children.
Esther: That's right – 17 children, with one more on the way, praise the Lord!
Mickey Ben: Let's meet them all!
Esther: Here are Matthew and our first set of twins - Mary Martha and Mark, then Mary Miriam, Mary Lydia and Mary Esther!"
Mickey Ben: Then we had Michael, Malachi, Mary Bethel, Mordecai, and our second set of twins, Methusael and Methuselah!"
Esther: And finally we had Micah, Malchus, Moses, Mary Rachel and Mary Rhoda! Until the next one! Watch for our next special!
Mickey Ben: We wanted to share our story of how we can accommodate all of the children that the Good Lord has blessed us with.
Esther: And we've only had two sets of twins! We've been blessed. Really, really blessed. Over and over and over! One at a time! Over and over and over again!
Mickey Ben: We have no idea of who we will be switching with. We look forward to spreading the glory of the good Lord's word.
Esther: God bless them!
Trix: So I packed up and went off on my adventure. Tara was so upset that she projectile vomited.
Tom: She does that a lot.
Goddard House, Day One
Trix: What a huge house! I wonder why they have so much space if they just have a small number of children?
Tsk tsk tsk – you call this clean? There is dust behind these books!
Trix: Wait – is this a boarding school or something? Am I in the wrong house?
Trix: Let me check the house rules book that the other mother left me. "Hello New Me, and God bless! You may be intimidated by our 17 children – 17 children?!?"
Trix: I was not amused.
Tom: I bet.
Trix: "You may be intimidated by our 17 children, but don't worry! We've set up a buddy system where the older children help out with running the household and helping to take care of the littler ones. I've written out all of our rules, and if you have any questions, please ask my husband, Mickey Ben, as he is the head of our household, like any good Christian man. God Bless!"
Mickey Ben: Hello there, new Esther! I'm Mickey Ben! And these are our children!
Trix: You – you must have had all multiples, like me. They all look alike. And there are so many!
Mickey Ben: We had two sets of twins! The rest all came one by one!
Trix: How do you tell them apart? I mean seriously. They all look alike! It's like Children of the Corn!
Mickey Ben: Ha ha ha! Kids, line up and introduce yourselves to your new mother!
Trix: Oh my.
Googler House, Day One
Tom: Esther had an easier time adjusting to our house.
Esther: Look at all the toys! There must be young children here. How precious!
Esther: I don't understand why there are potties everywhere though. Let's look at the rule book ... rule books.
Esther: Volume One ... Six kids with just two pregnancies! How easy!
Tom: Tell that to my wife.
Esther: My, there are a lot of rules about cleaning. And they only eat organic food? Well, what other kinds of food are there? Nobody eats plastic food!
Esther: Volume Two of the rules ... my, she sure has a lot of people who come in and do her laundry and housecleaning for her! And she left a list of people to call if I need help. 10, 15, 25 names! I wonder why she doesn't have family listed?
Esther: My heart just swelled when I saw the four little ones sleeping in their cribs. So adorable!
Tom: Hi, I'm Tom. I see you found our four youngest.
Esther: SO precious! I'm going to enjoy staying here!
Tom: The twins are at their school right now, but they'll be home very soon. Did you find the rule books Trix left for you?
Esther: My, there are a lot of rules!
Tom: 95% of them have to do with cleaning. But I don't work outside of the home any more, so I do most of the work.
Esther: But you're the husband! You're supposed to work outside of the home!
Tom: Could you tell that to my wife?
Esther: Oh, the little ones are waking up. Hi there! I'm your new mommy!
Tom: You don't have to help. It's my job to get them up from their naps.
Esther: I want to help! I love little ones!
Tom: I hear the school bus outside. Why don't you go meet the twins?
Tammy: What do you think she's like, Tricia?
Tricia: I hope she lets us practise our musical instruments.
Esther: HI! I'm Mother Esther! You must be Tricia and Tammy! You are SO pretty!
Esther: I can't help myself! I must hug you both!
Tammy: Why? Nobody hit anybody.
Goddard House, Day One
Trix: Do you have your names tattooed somewhere on all of you? I just don't understand how you tell each other apart and remember all your names.
Mary Mariah: Mother Trix, don't worry about supper tonight. It's Mary Lydia's turn to make the Tator Tot Casserole.
Trix: I hope it's organic Tater Tot casserole.
Mary Martha: What do you mean by organic? You're not talking about – evolution, are you?
Mark: We don't talk about that in our house!
Trix: No, no, no, science is only good for helping you have babies. And then society has to help you raise them. I meant, did the potatoes come from an organic farm?
Mary Martha: No, they come from a bag.
Trix: Good thing I packed my vitamins.
Mickey Ben: Trix had some difficulty at first adjusting to our rules.
Mary Martha: Mother Trix, Papa asked me to go over some of Mommy's rules with you.
Trix: Like what?
Mary Martha: "All females must dress modestly, in order to draw attention to their countenance."
Trix: So? I'm not wearing a mini skirt and go-go boots! Ha! Ha!
Mary Martha: But you are wearing – trousers.
Trix: What? I am not dressing up in those sacks you girls are wearing. And I am too EXHAUSTED by the plane ride here to go shopping. And HELL-O? Why are you dressed like Laura Ingalls? Don't you read Seventeen magazine? Ever hear of bling-bling?
Mary Martha: We don't read feminist magazines. The network people sent over some modest clothes -
Trix: I won't wear them.
Mary Martha: They said to tell you that they are free and you may keep them after you go home.
Trix: Why didn't you say they were free? Hand them over.
Trix: I didn't recognize myself, after putting on my modest clothes and fixing my "worldly" hair. But at least I wasn't home listening to loud breathing and crappy piano playing and four shrieking toddlers.
Trix: So, how do I look?
Mary Miriam: You look very modest, Mother Trix. Now let's go get some Tater Tot Casserole!
TO BE CONTINUED...